Ily (I love you)

Ahh, that makes me so mad when people put that ^ ^

If you’re gonna say “I love you”, at least say it out. I don’t wanna see ily,ilyvm, ly2, luv u, or lurvvv uuuu. I wanna see “I love you!”

It’s not too much to ask, is it?

Well, at least I don’t think so 😉

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One Thing

I have one thing (or at least one topic) to say in this blog: you don’t know me..and you never truly will. That goes out to everyone, including my family/friends, I do mean EVERYONE. I’ve become the girl everyone wants to know and be around, I act day after day and believe me..I’m a freaking ace at it. People know fake-Shelby, not the real one. If I was “real” around people..they’d want me institutionalized. No. Kidding. Sometimes I actually think I should be put in a mental house..but then I think of the happiness I bring to other people. That’s what truly keeps me going and I will continue to hold on to that idea. People NEED me, maybe only in a very, very minuscule way but at least that’s SOMETHING. Something is better..than nothing, I would like to think – so don’t burst my bubble people. You’re only making it harder on me. I have those days when the truth comes crashing down (this happens to be one of those, hence the angry/upset blog) and I realize I’m not NEEDED, just wanted so I can make OTHER people, who generally are the ones who make my day hell, mind you, happy! Now, where the fuck is the justice in that?! The answer is: it keeps me going, so should I really be bitching? No. Not at all. But, it still feels unfair to me at times…God, does it make me so angry sometimes! I just can’t understand why some people (like me) have so much expected out of them! Once you set the bar high enough, you can never get away from it – you must ALWAYS meet your mark. There’s no re-dos, no second chance. I envy people who are slackers, or just lazy. You get a LOT, you know. Whereas, the people who work their asses off for others..they don’t really get much at all. There never seems to be anything in return for us.
-Shelby-

Just Sad

Can anyone JUST be sad? Does there have to be a reason for everything? I think that some people are naturally…sad/crabby/fussy whatever word you want to use. I don’t think something has to happen for them to be sad, some people just have “sad days”.

There shouldn’t always have to be a reason for someone to feel a certain way. But, that’s how our society is nowadays, there MUST be a reason, and if you can’t provide one then you can’t do it.

So, what have I been up to lately? Absolutely nothing 😉 Well, I’ve been writing some more poetry and drawing a lot more lately…even if it doesn’t come out good, I can still attempt, ya know? I might post the “The Walking Dream” later, depending on how it comes out. Surprisingly enough, my happiness-meter (lol!) is pretty high right now, I’m trying to focus on happier thoughts and not letting everything get to me.

However, the problem with suppressing bad ideas/feelings is that they come out in a explosion later…which isn’t such a good thing. I’ve been testing peoples patience’s lately, that’s for sure. Some of them deserve it, some don’t, but either way it’s not cool.

“Now, I’m heels over head, I’m hanging upside down, thinking how you left me for dead – California bound! And when you hit the coast, I hope you think of me and how I’m stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be.” -Boys Like Girls
For being such a peppy, happy-sounding song, it’s actually kind of depressing (the lyrics). The poor guy was ditched by his girlfriend! Boys Like Girls always puts me in a good mood, though – their songs are always peppy or at least truthful – music in general puts me in a good mood, though

Blind

Some people…can’t see how they damage others, how they emotionally effect people. It’s never THEIR fault, it’s the other’s for being “overly emotional”. That pisses me off. A lot. People need to learn to take responsibility for their words as well as their actions. Haven’t you ever heard “think before you speak?” or “Don’t do onto others what you wouldn’t want done onto yourself”? It’s a simple theory..don’t say something that you KNOW will hurt someone’s feelings, no matter if you didn’t mean it that way. What matters is how they took it, not what you possibly meant. Some people are just blind to other’s feelings, and that just makes me so mad! Ah, it’s like why would you even say that? All you managed to do was make someone feel like crap. Sometimes people just make me so mad >_<

Anyways..besides being blind to others feelings, I don't have much to rant about today. In fact, I've been having a pretty damn good week, so I haven't really even been on WordPress, but whatever. I'll try to keep updating my blog but sometimes I really don't have the time or any thoughts.

Slipping Away

Well, if there’s one thing that can be said about all people it’s that no one wants to hear something’s wrong with them. It’s common knowledge, wrong = bad. Lately..I’ve been feeling less in control than usual. I know, I know..no one’s REALLY in control of anything, but shouldn’t I be in (somewhat?) control of my thoughts and feelings? It kind of feels like I’m not really ME anymore, it’s kind of hard to explain. I know that sounds weird, “You’re you but not you? Um…?” and is a bit confusing, but that’s my current feeling on life right now. Something’s not right, and I’m not quite sure what’s wrong, maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s everyone.
I feel like part of me is slipping away…my creative part to be exact. Every time I draw or write something it seems I’m correctly it about a thousand times over. It used to be: I would write/draw something and that was that, I didn’t have to go back and “fix” everything little thing about it, until it became something else entirely.

So, what else is up with me besides my mental state going to ruins? Well, nothing much actually. My life is pretty damn boring it seems. I mean, all I did yesterday was READ when I got home, I didn’t bother to answer anyone’s texts or anything…speaking of which! TEXTING! Why does every single person have to text?! Whatever happened to just plain old phone calls? Or talking face-to-face? Our versions of contact with people have completely changed in the last like five years, and to tell you the truth I’d rather actually talk to someone then text..you lose all emotion in text! Oh, yes I know..you have emoticons and actions and stuff, but it’s really not the same.

Bah, I hate you as much as you hate me

Hate is a very strong word…or that’s at least what my second grade teacher used to say. I’m still not sure if Mrs. Moore knew what she was talking about, though. I mean, I was like 7? Who cares if I say hate? “No, Shelby it’s ‘strong dislike’..” You know what I have to say to that? I don’t care! Every little kid says hate as if they’re a teenager using curse words. But now..years later, I have to agree with Mrs. Moore, hate is a strong word that should be used cautiously, or really, not at all. I might “hate” something now, but once you think everything through, it’s just a really strong dislike 🙂

Cutter

Hmm…cutting? People have SO many opinions about this certain topic that I figured I’d give mine. People tend to think that any cutter is (1) looking for attention/pity, (2) needs to be put in a mental hospital, or (3) put on anti-psychotic meds. Well, I disagree. I’ve cut myself since I was 11 (maybe 12?) and just recently stopped, and believe me was it hard. Once you get SO used to doing something to release pain or to get away for awhile (a lot of people have compared cutting to a gateway drug) it’s incredibly hard to realize that you HAVE to quit. It’s not healthy at all to mutilate yourself because of your feelings, no matter how terrible or sad they might seem. You need to find a creative/healthy/positive source of energy. My advice to any cutter is always the same thing: find a hobby. You have to draw attention away from the need to cut, you have to find something else to get your feelings out to. Friends seem to be the best bet with most people, find a good friend and just TALK. I know it sounds corny, but the fact of the matter is: it works. Feelings aren’t meant to be bottled up, they always will come out eventually and sometimes in a form you may or may not like. Blowing up at people because they say the wrong thing? Not the way to go. Even now, I still have those problems..curing yourself of emotional release is NOT easy, not at all. It’s not as simple as “talking it out” because you have to continue to do it, it’s not a one-shot deal. People who cut…sometimes they truly are just looking for attention and that gives the rest of us a bad stigma. To the people who cut for attention: stop! If you want attention THAT bad, then you need to figure out another way of doing it because it’s not fair to the people who actually need help, who actually cannot help themselves. Cutting is a very unhealthy release and more needs to be done instead of just putting kids on meds…you can’t expect every child to react the same way, and putting every single cutter on them is not the answer.

Well, that was my rant for the day…

Oh! By the way, my heart goes out to the people involved in the Austin plane crash, I live literally a block away from where it happened and it was devastating to watch. So far, only a few people have been rushed to the hospital and no one has died…I’m not sure about the pilot, though. Apparently, he purposely hit the IRS building, because he was mad at the government and beforehand he set his house on fire. So everyone is calling intentional, but not a terrorist attack.

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