I’m still here

Kinda.

Or at least – I haven’t given up blogging just yet 😉

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Blood

Red

Painful

Release.

Do you need it?

She thinks not.

The release is key, she tells me.

It lets her be free.

No.

What are you holding

With such burden?

Is it…

Anger?

Frustration?

Shame?

Or is it an addiction?

Does it make you feel better to hurt someone?

To hurt yourself?

To release the vital fluid that keeps you alive?

Why do you play with death?

She says she doesn’t want to hurt us.

Then why does my heart tear with every little scar on her arms?

Her legs,

Her chest.

They’re scarred.

And abused.

By herself.

She leaves us nothing whole to build from.

Us, her friends.

The ones who care.

Come, talk to us.

We know you’re hurting.

You’re slipping.

The red gashes hold no friction.

Only pain.

And regret.

And hurt.

Come, talk to us.

Yell at us until your lungs grow dry and weak.

Scream at us until the agony has released itself.

But, please…

If you care,

As we know you do,

Stop hurting yourself.

Put the blade down.

Jeez…

I haven’t *really* posted in a while…as in, an actual post about ME. So, here goes nothing? 🙂

School has recently started up for me again, and it only seems like it’s been in session for like a week, but in reality – it’s been a freaking month!

So, in other words – school might actually be fun again. It seems to be going by really quick, which is ALWAYS a good thing.

So, I’m kinda rambling – sorry about that. It’s just I haven’t actually blogged in a really long time it seems, I’ve been uber busy.

School, clubs and friends seem to be occupying all of my time, which kinda sucks…

Okay, I’m done with this lackluster blogpost, I’ll post something else later, alrightty?

Dystopia

Bright colored tights, in a world full of slacks

Posters are staring. The government’s breathing down her back,

Forcing ice shards to implant, multiply and shock

Ears so keen, she can hear the clock’s tick-tock

Breathe deeply. Calm your mind.

Don’t let the officers catch you this time

You’re singing songs that can’t be sung,

Ringing bells, to old to be rung.

Let freedom ring! You sing. Like it used to.

Let smiles shine! You cry. Like in secrecy they do.

Let her bleed! The conformists yell. Like she should.

Take her life! The dictator wails. Like ours she would.

And she agrees, because she knows it’s true.

She’d kill to bring freedom to you.

I’m Perfection

You see that? I’m perfect. I’m perfect because you want me to be that way.

That’s what love is, you know.

Perfection.

I’m too much to handle. Which, is understandable, I guess. You were raised by parents who loved you more than anything. I was raised by a parent who loved me, but had better things to do.  She let us go wild, while you were playing catch with mom and dad. But I, I have real problems. I watch my friends turn to dust. I watch my family tear at the seams. I watch my heart being crushed in your hands. But who said you were supposed to voice when you were upset? No one, of course. It’s too much for you to handle.

So I’m perfectly fine, love.

I overreact. I get mad at the littlest things. You wanna know why? You made me insecure. You made me weak. You took the platform I was standing on and lit it on fire when you came into my life. I’m just waiting to be engulfed. But, of course, when I overreact because I’m holding this all in, when I overreact and cry because I’m dying, it’s all my fault. It’s my fault when I’m mad that you break down. I’m not perfect enough for you.

So I’m happy with everything you do, love.

I’m perfect.

And my heart is all yours.

You deserve my smile, and my laugh.

Even if I’m dying on the inside. Dying all alone.

‘Releasing Within’

The sun is so bright above, it gives me hope,

Erasing the past of which I can’t cope.

My heat paces steadily in my chest.

A deep breath reaches my ears

My eyes fill with tears,

I wish I could feel like this for years.

My soul is lifting above me it feels so right,

I’m disappearing, I’m leaving

My spirit feels so light.

Beneath it all I know I have to let this go,

but for right now I would rather take it slow.

Listen.

Take it all in. 

Let the peace dance on your skin,

Let me smile,

even if only for a little while.

Let me open my eyes to the world

See over the pain and gain a new view,

Inside I feel small warmth,

A glow.

Lost in my own imagination ,

I should know,

There is no way this happiness is to last

But I can’t help but grab on and be glad

What do I do with the little freedom I do have?

Dream.

To save myself from drowning in the tears I have dropped,

Thinking of all the people I have lost.

Sadness has taken over all my identity,

I don’t think I could find one little piece of me.

The outside of me is smiling as always,

But look inside my little brown eyes

And see the real girl, the one who cries.

The true soul within me tells no lies.

I have no choice to lay beneath,

the solid hurt that is buried so deep,

And sleep.

Friday!

On Friday, July 23rd…it’s my birthday. W00t!

So, I’m happy! 🙂

If I could write you a song to make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm

-Shelbs-

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