One Thing

I have one thing (or at least one topic) to say in this blog: you don’t know me..and you never truly will. That goes out to everyone, including my family/friends, I do mean EVERYONE. I’ve become the girl everyone wants to know and be around, I act day after day and believe me..I’m a freaking ace at it. People know fake-Shelby, not the real one. If I was “real” around people..they’d want me institutionalized. No. Kidding. Sometimes I actually think I should be put in a mental house..but then I think of the happiness I bring to other people. That’s what truly keeps me going and I will continue to hold on to that idea. People NEED me, maybe only in a very, very minuscule way but at least that’s SOMETHING. Something is better..than nothing, I would like to think – so don’t burst my bubble people. You’re only making it harder on me. I have those days when the truth comes crashing down (this happens to be one of those, hence the angry/upset blog) and I realize I’m not NEEDED, just wanted so I can make OTHER people, who generally are the ones who make my day hell, mind you, happy! Now, where the fuck is the justice in that?! The answer is: it keeps me going, so should I really be bitching? No. Not at all. But, it still feels unfair to me at times…God, does it make me so angry sometimes! I just can’t understand why some people (like me) have so much expected out of them! Once you set the bar high enough, you can never get away from it – you must ALWAYS meet your mark. There’s no re-dos, no second chance. I envy people who are slackers, or just lazy. You get a LOT, you know. Whereas, the people who work their asses off for others..they don’t really get much at all. There never seems to be anything in return for us.



Hmm…cutting? People have SO many opinions about this certain topic that I figured I’d give mine. People tend to think that any cutter is (1) looking for attention/pity, (2) needs to be put in a mental hospital, or (3) put on anti-psychotic meds. Well, I disagree. I’ve cut myself since I was 11 (maybe 12?) and just recently stopped, and believe me was it hard. Once you get SO used to doing something to release pain or to get away for awhile (a lot of people have compared cutting to a gateway drug) it’s incredibly hard to realize that you HAVE to quit. It’s not healthy at all to mutilate yourself because of your feelings, no matter how terrible or sad they might seem. You need to find a creative/healthy/positive source of energy. My advice to any cutter is always the same thing: find a hobby. You have to draw attention away from the need to cut, you have to find something else to get your feelings out to. Friends seem to be the best bet with most people, find a good friend and just TALK. I know it sounds corny, but the fact of the matter is: it works. Feelings aren’t meant to be bottled up, they always will come out eventually and sometimes in a form you may or may not like. Blowing up at people because they say the wrong thing? Not the way to go. Even now, I still have those problems..curing yourself of emotional release is NOT easy, not at all. It’s not as simple as “talking it out” because you have to continue to do it, it’s not a one-shot deal. People who cut…sometimes they truly are just looking for attention and that gives the rest of us a bad stigma. To the people who cut for attention: stop! If you want attention THAT bad, then you need to figure out another way of doing it because it’s not fair to the people who actually need help, who actually cannot help themselves. Cutting is a very unhealthy release and more needs to be done instead of just putting kids on meds…you can’t expect every child to react the same way, and putting every single cutter on them is not the answer.

Well, that was my rant for the day…

Oh! By the way, my heart goes out to the people involved in the Austin plane crash, I live literally a block away from where it happened and it was devastating to watch. So far, only a few people have been rushed to the hospital and no one has died…I’m not sure about the pilot, though. Apparently, he purposely hit the IRS building, because he was mad at the government and beforehand he set his house on fire. So everyone is calling intentional, but not a terrorist attack.