Mommy & Heart = Not Okay

This day cannot get any freaking worse. I. Swear.

My mom left last night to spend the night with her boyfriend, Eric. Yeah, thanks mom for just ditching your daughter and eldest son whenever you freaking please

And then I felt really crappy for thinking that, because…

At around 11 today, my mom called me and told me she needs to go the ER and she asked me to drive her. I didn’t really think anything of it because my mom has a lot of disablities (I’ll list them some other time) and I take her to the doctor a lot. No biggie, right?

Wrong.

I get downstairs and my mom is almost not breathing. She starts saying that her chest is killing her, she’s dizzy and that her arm is going numb. Now, if ya’ll know anything about heart attacks…that’s a sure sign.

I (obviously) rush her to the hospital and they just took her right in..past triage and everything. They gave her more nitroglycerin then they gave my grandma in a month.

I’m freaking out by then. Like, seriously freaking out. I might joke how my mom might possibly hate me, but..this was something else entirely. She then sent me outside to make phone calls to people, because the doctor came in..and she HATES me knowing what’s wrong. She knows I worry. A. Freaking. Lot.

So, anyways – since my younger two brothers are still in New York, I called my older bro and he kept trying to unsuccessfully calm me down..I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

I then called Jesse..and I just started bawling on the phone. He didn’t answer the first time I called, so I called again and he finally freaking answered, and I couldn’t even say what was going on, I just started crying so freaking hard. I literally was on the phone just crying into his ear…and he just sat and listened, instead of hanging up like a normal person. I seriously love him sometimes, and I’m completely thankful for him. He’s the best friend anyone person should be envious of. He ACTUALLY got me to calm down enough to go back into my mom’s ER room.

Turns out: she was having major coronary problems. They wouldn’t flat out say “heart attack”and she was admitted into the hospital. She then proceeded to kick me out of the room and sent me home.

So, now I’m at home worrying about her and hoping she’s okay..and I really just don’t..I don’t know what to think. Of course, in her typical “Mom” fashion she told me that she’ll be fine. She was crying when she said that and she expected me to believe her?

Today

Go ahead and burn it down
So, today is Sunday.
I hate Sundays. I mean, come on! It’s like the gods are teasing us with this day before school starts.
It’s not right.

So, besides me being slightly upset about it being Sunday? Nothing’s really going on today. My feelings are all out of whack, of course. But that’s kind of normal by now, huh?

The REAL reason I wrote this blog is because..well, I wanted to write about my nightmares. To get some ideas about what’s uh, wrong with them? Well, I KNOW there’s something wrong with them, but more what they might mean…if that makes any sense.

So, I have this one nightmare, and I’m going to just give the main parts of it:
My mom abandons my brothers in a very dense forest by a river (Greg and Bailey)
They’re out there for weeks
Greg goes crazy
Beats Bailey to death (seeing your brother being beaten? ESPECIALLY when you have a very vivid imagination?
It fucking sucks, excuse my language)
Comes to his senses
End of nightmare

Yes, I know. It’s not pleasant to think about. Or imagine. But, basically all I’ve gotten from my mom about this is and I quote, “that’s weird”. Oh yeah, Mom thanks for the great help! I so appreciate it! Sometimes, I think she really could care less. But that’s a topic for another blog.

I’m drunk, and so is everyone else in this devil town