Blood

Red

Painful

Release.

Do you need it?

She thinks not.

The release is key, she tells me.

It lets her be free.

No.

What are you holding

With such burden?

Is it…

Anger?

Frustration?

Shame?

Or is it an addiction?

Does it make you feel better to hurt someone?

To hurt yourself?

To release the vital fluid that keeps you alive?

Why do you play with death?

She says she doesn’t want to hurt us.

Then why does my heart tear with every little scar on her arms?

Her legs,

Her chest.

They’re scarred.

And abused.

By herself.

She leaves us nothing whole to build from.

Us, her friends.

The ones who care.

Come, talk to us.

We know you’re hurting.

You’re slipping.

The red gashes hold no friction.

Only pain.

And regret.

And hurt.

Come, talk to us.

Yell at us until your lungs grow dry and weak.

Scream at us until the agony has released itself.

But, please…

If you care,

As we know you do,

Stop hurting yourself.

Put the blade down.

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Dystopia

Bright colored tights, in a world full of slacks

Posters are staring. The government’s breathing down her back,

Forcing ice shards to implant, multiply and shock

Ears so keen, she can hear the clock’s tick-tock

Breathe deeply. Calm your mind.

Don’t let the officers catch you this time

You’re singing songs that can’t be sung,

Ringing bells, to old to be rung.

Let freedom ring! You sing. Like it used to.

Let smiles shine! You cry. Like in secrecy they do.

Let her bleed! The conformists yell. Like she should.

Take her life! The dictator wails. Like ours she would.

And she agrees, because she knows it’s true.

She’d kill to bring freedom to you.

‘Releasing Within’

The sun is so bright above, it gives me hope,

Erasing the past of which I can’t cope.

My heat paces steadily in my chest.

A deep breath reaches my ears

My eyes fill with tears,

I wish I could feel like this for years.

My soul is lifting above me it feels so right,

I’m disappearing, I’m leaving

My spirit feels so light.

Beneath it all I know I have to let this go,

but for right now I would rather take it slow.

Listen.

Take it all in. 

Let the peace dance on your skin,

Let me smile,

even if only for a little while.

Let me open my eyes to the world

See over the pain and gain a new view,

Inside I feel small warmth,

A glow.

Lost in my own imagination ,

I should know,

There is no way this happiness is to last

But I can’t help but grab on and be glad

What do I do with the little freedom I do have?

Dream.

To save myself from drowning in the tears I have dropped,

Thinking of all the people I have lost.

Sadness has taken over all my identity,

I don’t think I could find one little piece of me.

The outside of me is smiling as always,

But look inside my little brown eyes

And see the real girl, the one who cries.

The true soul within me tells no lies.

I have no choice to lay beneath,

the solid hurt that is buried so deep,

And sleep.

Tearing At The Walls

I’m tearing at the walls, blaring out the calls.

Don’t you listen?

I’m shouting out the words, doubting so preferred.

Can’t you hear?

I’m screaming out of my lungs, dreaming the unsung.

Didn’t you notice?

I’m collapsed on the floor, time elapsed I’m unsure.

Wouldn’t you help?

I’m crying with no tears, dying in the face of fears.

Couldn’t you care?

I’m sighing my last, bidding goodbye to the past.

Won’t you acknowledge?

Stranger

Count the days that pass me by
How long will it take to leave this place
Shrill reminders of how you didn’t try
There is nothing left and I have lost all hope

For what you have done is beyond okay
To hide such dark truths and still you smile
How easy it could have been for him to say
Her innocence would have shattered that day

I watch from afar and seek it out
That small part of you that used to be
How I wish their was nothing to doubt
But it is gone and you are a stranger to me

So I sit by my window
Stare into the night sky
It is my only reminder
That not everything is a lie

The sky will remain true
Lead me far away from you

Slipping Away

Well, if there’s one thing that can be said about all people it’s that no one wants to hear something’s wrong with them. It’s common knowledge, wrong = bad. Lately..I’ve been feeling less in control than usual. I know, I know..no one’s REALLY in control of anything, but shouldn’t I be in (somewhat?) control of my thoughts and feelings? It kind of feels like I’m not really ME anymore, it’s kind of hard to explain. I know that sounds weird, “You’re you but not you? Um…?” and is a bit confusing, but that’s my current feeling on life right now. Something’s not right, and I’m not quite sure what’s wrong, maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s everyone.
I feel like part of me is slipping away…my creative part to be exact. Every time I draw or write something it seems I’m correctly it about a thousand times over. It used to be: I would write/draw something and that was that, I didn’t have to go back and “fix” everything little thing about it, until it became something else entirely.

So, what else is up with me besides my mental state going to ruins? Well, nothing much actually. My life is pretty damn boring it seems. I mean, all I did yesterday was READ when I got home, I didn’t bother to answer anyone’s texts or anything…speaking of which! TEXTING! Why does every single person have to text?! Whatever happened to just plain old phone calls? Or talking face-to-face? Our versions of contact with people have completely changed in the last like five years, and to tell you the truth I’d rather actually talk to someone then text..you lose all emotion in text! Oh, yes I know..you have emoticons and actions and stuff, but it’s really not the same.

Clean Break

“Having used every subterfuge
To shake you, lie, fatigue, even that of passion.
Now I see no way but a clean break
I add that I am willing to bear the guilt.”

Probably my favorite poem, ever! I just want to break away, don’t want to try and make things work. Sometimes the best thing to do is just leave.

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