Blood

Red

Painful

Release.

Do you need it?

She thinks not.

The release is key, she tells me.

It lets her be free.

No.

What are you holding

With such burden?

Is it…

Anger?

Frustration?

Shame?

Or is it an addiction?

Does it make you feel better to hurt someone?

To hurt yourself?

To release the vital fluid that keeps you alive?

Why do you play with death?

She says she doesn’t want to hurt us.

Then why does my heart tear with every little scar on her arms?

Her legs,

Her chest.

They’re scarred.

And abused.

By herself.

She leaves us nothing whole to build from.

Us, her friends.

The ones who care.

Come, talk to us.

We know you’re hurting.

You’re slipping.

The red gashes hold no friction.

Only pain.

And regret.

And hurt.

Come, talk to us.

Yell at us until your lungs grow dry and weak.

Scream at us until the agony has released itself.

But, please…

If you care,

As we know you do,

Stop hurting yourself.

Put the blade down.

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‘Releasing Within’

The sun is so bright above, it gives me hope,

Erasing the past of which I can’t cope.

My heat paces steadily in my chest.

A deep breath reaches my ears

My eyes fill with tears,

I wish I could feel like this for years.

My soul is lifting above me it feels so right,

I’m disappearing, I’m leaving

My spirit feels so light.

Beneath it all I know I have to let this go,

but for right now I would rather take it slow.

Listen.

Take it all in. 

Let the peace dance on your skin,

Let me smile,

even if only for a little while.

Let me open my eyes to the world

See over the pain and gain a new view,

Inside I feel small warmth,

A glow.

Lost in my own imagination ,

I should know,

There is no way this happiness is to last

But I can’t help but grab on and be glad

What do I do with the little freedom I do have?

Dream.

To save myself from drowning in the tears I have dropped,

Thinking of all the people I have lost.

Sadness has taken over all my identity,

I don’t think I could find one little piece of me.

The outside of me is smiling as always,

But look inside my little brown eyes

And see the real girl, the one who cries.

The true soul within me tells no lies.

I have no choice to lay beneath,

the solid hurt that is buried so deep,

And sleep.

Tearing At The Walls

I’m tearing at the walls, blaring out the calls.

Don’t you listen?

I’m shouting out the words, doubting so preferred.

Can’t you hear?

I’m screaming out of my lungs, dreaming the unsung.

Didn’t you notice?

I’m collapsed on the floor, time elapsed I’m unsure.

Wouldn’t you help?

I’m crying with no tears, dying in the face of fears.

Couldn’t you care?

I’m sighing my last, bidding goodbye to the past.

Won’t you acknowledge?

Sigh

Bad day. Panic attacks really suck.

They seem to be getting more and more frequent..and the full out fainting isn’t helping.

Stranger

Count the days that pass me by
How long will it take to leave this place
Shrill reminders of how you didn’t try
There is nothing left and I have lost all hope

For what you have done is beyond okay
To hide such dark truths and still you smile
How easy it could have been for him to say
Her innocence would have shattered that day

I watch from afar and seek it out
That small part of you that used to be
How I wish their was nothing to doubt
But it is gone and you are a stranger to me

So I sit by my window
Stare into the night sky
It is my only reminder
That not everything is a lie

The sky will remain true
Lead me far away from you

Just Sad

Can anyone JUST be sad? Does there have to be a reason for everything? I think that some people are naturally…sad/crabby/fussy whatever word you want to use. I don’t think something has to happen for them to be sad, some people just have “sad days”.

There shouldn’t always have to be a reason for someone to feel a certain way. But, that’s how our society is nowadays, there MUST be a reason, and if you can’t provide one then you can’t do it.

So, what have I been up to lately? Absolutely nothing 😉 Well, I’ve been writing some more poetry and drawing a lot more lately…even if it doesn’t come out good, I can still attempt, ya know? I might post the “The Walking Dream” later, depending on how it comes out. Surprisingly enough, my happiness-meter (lol!) is pretty high right now, I’m trying to focus on happier thoughts and not letting everything get to me.

However, the problem with suppressing bad ideas/feelings is that they come out in a explosion later…which isn’t such a good thing. I’ve been testing peoples patience’s lately, that’s for sure. Some of them deserve it, some don’t, but either way it’s not cool.

“Now, I’m heels over head, I’m hanging upside down, thinking how you left me for dead – California bound! And when you hit the coast, I hope you think of me and how I’m stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be.” -Boys Like Girls
For being such a peppy, happy-sounding song, it’s actually kind of depressing (the lyrics). The poor guy was ditched by his girlfriend! Boys Like Girls always puts me in a good mood, though – their songs are always peppy or at least truthful – music in general puts me in a good mood, though

Believe

I refuse to be another statistic. I will not harm myself. I will not be THAT girl. That is not me.

What’s really sad? I can’t even believe myself, anymore. I wish..that I wasn’t so sad all the time. I wish I didn’t have to DEAL, ya know? Why does everything have to be so hard, but in reality I’M the one making it difficult? Can’t everyone just get along for five seconds? Can there be peace for five seconds? No, there cannot apparently. People…cannot grasp something they do not want to hear.

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